


Yield and Anchor

by Ro_Nordmann



Series: JB Tumblr Angst Prompts [2]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: A-sort-of-Happily-Ever-After, Alternate Universe - Arranged Marriage, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Dead Cersei Lannister, F/M, Tumblr Prompt, “I just want you to be happy. Even if it’s not with me.” + “I needed you. And you weren’t there.”
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-30
Updated: 2019-11-30
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:40:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21614716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ro_Nordmann/pseuds/Ro_Nordmann
Summary: With a steadying breath, Brienne pushed the door and immediately was assaulted with the putrid stench of decay and human waste. Dirty rags and empty pots littered the room. Prostrate on his back, Jaime Lannister stared at the ceiling, grumbling and groaning. His eyes were glassy and his skin pale and gaunt. Her eyes lingered on his right arm…no hand. His sword hand had been severed, the skin puckered in a ghastly, healing scar.Oh, Jaime.She held her breath and tried to find the strength to face him, to give him what he needed from her. Vows were said between them, true then, still true now. She prayed to the Mother to guide her, to be merciful with her husband.“I needed you. And you weren’t there.”
Relationships: Jaime Lannister & Brienne of Tarth, Jaime Lannister/Brienne of Tarth
Series: JB Tumblr Angst Prompts [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1557418
Comments: 12
Kudos: 61





	Yield and Anchor

**Author's Note:**

  * For [miss_universe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/miss_universe/gifts).



> @missxuniverse said:
> 
> #27 “I just want you to be happy. Even if it’s not with me.” + #38 “I needed you. And you weren’t there.”

* * *

Brienne of Tarth stood by the balcony of her chambers overlooking the Sunset Sea and Lannisport. There was a ship waiting for the former Lady of Casterly Rock, set to sail and bring her back to her home, to Tarth. The valise with her most prized possessions and wooden crates were being picked up by the captain’s crewmen.

Her handmaid came into the room and offered her once again some food and tea.

“Pia, please get my squire, Podrick. We leave as soon as the Lord returns. Just bring me the tea, no food. You may bring me fresh water, thank you.”

Scurrying away, Pia curtsied at Lady Brienne and closed the door softly. Brienne returned to the view, the breeze bringing with it a chill that made her shiver. She closed her eyes and brushed her hands over her arms, trying to warm herself.

There was no time for levity, to reminisce of the many times she’d stand in this very spot and try to see him coming back…and believe this time she’d be enough.

“Brienne?”

Startled, she gasped in fright at his sudden appearance. Her heart pounded in her chest, and now her hands shook not because she was cold. Her cheeks felt hot, as she flushed all over. She never liked being caught unaware of her surroundings.

“My lord husband.”

Brienne took a deep breath and turned, her eyes gazing at the one and only, Ser Jaime Lannister, the sole living heir of the former Warden of the West, Tywin Lannister. As usual, her husband wore his house colors of red and gold, his boots pristine and his nails buffed and clean, not a sign of dirt under them,unlike any common man. He crossed his arms and rested against the wall, quirking his eyebrows awaiting for some reaction to his unexpected presence in her personal space.

He huffed in annoyance, like usual.

“I see you’ve packed and have Pia running your last errands…Pod is saying goodbye to his sweetling. You must allow him to return. He’s after all from the West. He’s a good lad, but with much to learn yet. I trust you’ll keep him on his toes, my lady.”

Brienne nodded and felt the cold creep back in, shivering again. Her actions, spurred him closer, his hands touched her skin. She flinched, but he didn’t desist from rubbing his hands, soft against her scarred skin on her forearms from sword fighting since she was a little girl.

Jaime was as tall, only short a few inches from her, his green eyes focused on her blue, crystalline ones. The only feature on her whole body that he ever praised. He smirked, his arrogant and charming self enjoying her pinkened skin. She glared and looked away, depriving him of what he liked most.

“It is only temporary, Brienne. Six moons away from Casterly Rock—”

Brienne stood face to face, her anger driving her, giving the courage to face her wayward husband.

“You promised me before our wedding day. Once your father passed, that I would be able to return to Tarth, that we could find peace in our solitude…that you would give me my freedom to live the rest of my days in Evenfall. Are you proving the lot of them who whisper behind your back that you’re an  _ oathbreaker _ , Ser Jaime? Is your word worth nothing to your vows that day?”

He growled, so much like the animal that represented his House’s sigil. His hands found her shoulders, his hold securing her in place, but not with violence. Jaime was determined to make her see, to understand his thinking and saving them from ill repute.

“My wife forgets I made vows in front of the Seven, to you. We consummated our marriage, as it was intended. We pleased both our fathers with complying to their arrangements, having exhausted them with our failed endeavors and previous engagements. When we met, I believed us kindred spirits, suffering from having to live up to their expectations and banned from pursuing our mutual aspiration of knighthood and fighting. I did acquire my knighthood at ten and five, only a few years before we first crossed paths. Dressed as a common soldier, with your tourney sword hacking at a practice dummy. I confess, Brienne, there’s no one more worthy of the title of Ser than you in all of Westeros. I have many failings against me, but that is one I regret the most. All I have left is my word, as you so glaringly pointed out. You’re my wife and will be so, until my last breath. And yet, I know what I must do. You deserve so much better than me. I concede to let you return to Tarth for six moons, then you’ll return to Casterly Rock. Time will the judge of our hearts.”

Her eyes welled with tears, frustrated and irate at his machinations, always skilled with words, a Lannister through and through. She sniffed and grabbed her shawl thrown over her shoulders, her gaze staring at the horizon overlooking the harbor and the ships. Just six moons away from this prison that had been her home for the past three years. She’d be around her father and hopefully bring him some joy in his frail state. Her only regret was not bringing a babe at her breast, another one of her deficiencies as a female and as his only heir.

With a rasping voice, “You have my word, lord husband. I’ll return in six moons to Casterly Rock.”

A knock and the door opened with Pia ready to serve her tea and a pitcher full of fresh water. At the sight of the lord in the chambers, the servant almost dropped the serving tray. Eyes wide-open, she dropped her head and moved quickly out of the way, slamming the door in her haste to depart.

“I’m pleased with have an accord, my lady. Have a safe journey, Brienne.”

* * *

It had only been three moons since Brienne had left the Westerlands. Rumors of war came from Storm’s End. Discord around the Houses of Westeros over the ruling and taxation. Rebellion was in the air and it meant each lord would have to make a stand and choose a side. It would mean death to many and the possibility of extinction of a whole house if it sided with defeated front.

Her father was sitting in his solarium, drinking ginger tea the maester had prescribed for his constant digestive complaints. Selwyn pondered if he should reveal the raven that had arrived at dawn from Casterly Rock, from his son-in-law. The seal was intact, red wax depicting the lion of House Lannister in the center.

“Starlight…please sit with your father. I think you should return to your husband at once.”

Brienne chuckled at her father and brushed her hand over his cheek. He was looking much better since her return. His blue eyes brighter and his face looking less gaunt. 

“I still have three moons left until I have to depart and return to the Rock…besides there’s much to be done. The marble mine needs all those records to be alphabetized and a new foreman to oversee the labor. Ser Goodwin want me to train with the new soldiers and I want—”

“Brienne…has he been disrespectful, disloyal towards you? Shall I inquire about a disillusionment of your vows in light of this? I can write the Citadel to make our case to the High Septon. If this is what you want, I will do everything at my disposal to free you from that unworthy man…for he has to be for letting you go and leave you childless, adrift only to return to her weakened father and care for him in his last days. You deserve more than this, my Starlight.”

His words were said with great love behind them, but it broke her heart and his daughter felt the weight against her chest and the pain spilled out. She sobbed in his presence and turned her back, unwilling to openly cry and be vulnerable.

“Ser Jaime never wanted to be married. His dreams of being a knight, of receiving the highest accolades for his achievements be written in the Book of Brothers. If the whispering are to be believed, the lion of the Rock loved only one other, his twin, the lovely Cersei Lannister. When they were about ten were found engaging in untoward behavior. His father sent him to be a squire for Lord Sumner Crakehall. His sister languished in his absence, but found other pleasures…she found herself pregnant with the bastard of some highborn lad. She never confessed his name. Cersei died in childbirth. The babe was stillborn, said to have been malformed.”

Brienne cleaned her face and took a long sip of water. She sat close to her father, seeing that her story had captivated his attention.

“He was knighted at Harrenhal, but her death made him bitter and reckless. Hence came his rebellious streak and his namesake of oathbreaker, for saying one thing and doing the opposite. His father enjoyed the spoils of his son’s cavalier stance until Ser Jaime refused to be his pawn. Lord Tywin, as you well know wanted an advantageous union with a power house to further his family’s power. Jaime made it impossible…until I failed a third time in securing a husband and honoring you with a healthy grandchild. The gods and the fates found it amusing to join a disobedient son and a headstrong daughter.”

She stayed silent, as the Evenstar drank his tea and ate his biscuit with ease. 

“Ser Jaime won your hand, Starlight. Of all the men you dared to face you with a sword, he truly is one of the best swordsmen in the realm. I prayed this would be a sign that he would be the one to win your heart…it saddens my soul to see it not so after all these years. You’re still pigheaded, determined to undermine any man who stands in your way, Brienne. When are you going to yield and let your heart soar, my Starlight?”

She stood from the table and walked to the open window, the brine coating every surface. 

“He is my husband, in every way, Father.”

He scoffed, “Here read this raven from your Jaime. I leave you to it.”

The sealed parchment tormented her the whole afternoon. She paced inside her room, ruminating about the possible reasons for the missive from Casterly Rock.

It wasn’t time yet.

With the moon casting its light inside, Brienne caved and broke the wax. The handwriting wasn’t Jaime’s. It was Aunt Genna’s longhand, with flourish swirls and no qualms to state her purpose. 

_ My dear Brienne, _

_ I write with deepest regrets…I implore you to return to Casterly Rock promptly. My nephew needs his lady wife be his bedside. I know you that you crave your freedom, but child you have made vows before the gods and to this house. I can visit your father and keep him company for a time. I rather enjoy Lord Selwyn, more than I ever did my late husband may be stay in the seven hells forevermore. _

_ Yours, _

_ Genna Lannister _

* * *

Brienne climbed the steps, dread filling her insides as she could hear the screams coming from her husband’s chambers. Podrick had accompanied the lady on her return voyage, holding her arm and making sure she didn’t fall down the stairs.

The maester came out, covered in sweat and sick.

“Oh thank the gods, Lady Brienne! You must come! He has been calling for you! He says he’ll die if he doesn’t see his wife once more, before the Stranger takes him. I want to reassure you that the fever is breaking and we have been able to clean the wound…I believe it’s his soul that needs your intervention, my lady.”

The man left her to enter alone. Pod stood outside, awaiting for his lady’s orders. With a steadying breath, Brienne pushed the door and immediately was assaulted with the putrid stench of decay and human waste. Dirty rags and empty pots littered the room. Prostrate on his back, Jaime Lannister stared at the ceiling, grumbling and groaning. His eyes were glassy and his skin pale and gaunt. Her eyes lingered on his right arm…no hand. His sword hand had been severed, the skin puckered in a ghastly, healing scar.

_ Oh, Jaime. _

She held her breath and tried to find the strength to face him, to give him what he needed from her. Vows were said between them, true then, still true now. She prayed to the Mother to guide her, to be merciful with her husband.

“I needed you. And you weren’t there.”

Brienne nodded, “We had an accord my lord. I am here now.”

“I won’t keep you, Brienne. You wanted your freedom and it hasn’t been six moons…has it? Why are you here? LEAVE ME! I am no one. A dying husk waiting for the Stranger to bring me to the bowels of the seven hells, for I might rejoin my father and my sister and her bastard child. My child. Did you know that is why the gods have cursed you barren, my wife? I defied the laws of the gods by laying with my kin, an abomination came out of her loins, taking her life with it. Now, I pay the price of my hubris with my most prized skill. I do not need you for this. Death doesn’t not wait for no one.”

Her arms held her middle, as if they would somehow shield her from his piercing words. His confession only cementing her suspicions about who held her husband’s heart. She never had the chance to entice him, therefore no need to yield and debase herself for this wretch. 

“I will visit with your aunt and depart in a fortnight. I bid you may recover, my lord. I do plead that you find a way to dissolve our marriage, for I wish remain in Tarth the rest of my days.”

Her stomach was churning and she needed fresh air. Surely she’d be sick if she didn’t leave the putrid stench permeating the room.

“Leaving so soon, my beauty? Do I offend your tender sensibilities? I was under the impression nothing could upset your composure, not when your aspirations for knighthood exposed you to plenty of indignities.”

Not taking his bait, Brienne left him to his ramblings.

* * *

At dawn, the lady walked briskly towards the armory. Pod was there with the Master of Arms, speaking of his training at Tarth.

“Podrick!”

Both men bowed to Brienne and Pod came close, “What brings you this early to the armory, Lady Brienne? I would have expected your presence at Lord Lannister’s bedside.”

She glared at the ground and met his sincere concern for his liege.

“The maester will beckon me if I’m needed. For now I need to beat something, strike and parry until I have nothing on my mind. Would you oblige me with a spar, my dear Pod?”

He beamed at her, pleased to be of service to his lady, “Of course, m’lady.”

Midmorning, Brienne was covered in dust and sweat, but feeling revived after weeks inside a ship, knowing its destination and what meant to return to the Westerlands. Pia ran and stumbled, dropping the parchment.

“M’lady! The maester sent me to fetch. This is from Lady Frey.”

With her duty done, Pia left her with the letter and didn’t stay to help her with cleaning off her morning activities and helping dress. Brienne shook her head and smiled, appreciating the time to herself. 

Nothing had gone amiss with the rambunctious, Aunt Genna. She had arrived safely at the harbor and her father had received her with his accustomed hospitality, which meant that both talked until the next morn and drank all the Arbor Gold. Wouldn’t be unforeseen if those two found comfort in each other. 

Grinning at the note, Brienne knotted her breeches tight on her hips, while sporting her well-worn boots. Her tunic was blue with a golden thread, billowing on her arms. She felt light and refreshed after taking her morning meal in her bedchamber. A knock at her door, then a voice, “Lady Brienne?” broke her peaceful reverie.

“Yes, Peck?”

He bowed, “The maester asked me to escort you to his chambers…he requires an audience with you, m’lady.” 

Without delay, Brienne presented herself to Maester Seymour. He rose and bowed, with his hand he directed her to an empty armchair, its upholstery in harmony to House Lannister.

“I’ve asked you to come here for some privacy…I wanted to explain how Lord Jaime is progressing. We were able to stop the rot from spreading and for him to lose more of his limb. Boiled wine helped, but we had to cut the putrefaction and use a hot poker to seal the wound. Milk of the poppy was administered in small doses, not making our lord dependent upon the substance. Ser Jaime does have a high tolerance for pain, after all. He will need to re-learn his everyday activities with his left hand.”

Brienne asked the questions lingering in the air, “Will he be able to wield a sword?” 

The maester evaded her breathtaking eyes, “If he gets up from that bed, takes the sun in and starts to eat properly…only his belligerent spirit can stop him, Lady Brienne. I’ve known that boy all his life, and learning to fight and becoming a knight were his passion, even if his father was against this pursuit.”

She cleared her throat and held her hands on her lap, hoping he wouldn’t notice the shakes that had overtaken her.

“I would like your cooperation, Maester Seymour. I still intend to return back to Tarth…this time as a free woman. I need your knowledge and I will need your discretion on these matters. Ser Jaime confided something deplorable to me last night…I need guidance on how to proceed with this revelation.”

The man lost all color, his face blank, his eyes staring at her in fear.

“Carry on, my Lady. Nothing will leave this room that isn’t meant to.”

Brienne closed her eyes, “Lord Lannister divulged a heinous act committed in his youth, before I ever knew him. I find it disgraceful and grounds for annulment of our marriage. He declared his love for his twin, Cersei Lannister and claimed fathering her bastard, deformed child, the one that ended her life. Furthermore, he affirmed it has cursed me, that the gods will not grant us children.”

The maester opened and closed his mouth, but nothing came out. He was completely flabbergasted at her statement. He shook his head in denial of every single word, “My dear lady, I grievously most dispute these so-called revelations…Cersei, Jaime’s twin died when she was merely a sprite of a girl. Her remains were never found. The only witness, Melara Hetherspoon, never spoke again and didn’t live long after. For Jaime, it was like a part of him died with her. As for the malformed child that took the mother’s life, that would be Joanna Lannister, Tywin’s wife and Jaime’s mother. She gave birth to a boy with dwarfism. It was a blessing that the gods took him with his mother. The only one that survived was Ser Jaime, made of the Warrior that one. So, you must understand my dear lady, these are the facts. What you heard from the lord’s lips were distortions of truth.”

Brienne could feel her heart beating inside her head.

“Thank you, Maester Seymour for elucidating the Lannister history…I hope you may forgive my impudence.”

The maester stood and knelt close to her, taking hold of her hands. 

“Let these words sieve out of your mind. I beg you to reconsider. The Lord of Casterly Rock may have been forged by the Warrior himself, but he’s been struggling and one of these days he will surely drown in his own piss if he doesn’t find his anchor.”

* * *

Brienne cleared the rag off his head, and washed off the bile off his lips. The manservants had cleared the soiled bedding and a tub had been filled with warm water and lavender oils. The windows had been cleared of the tapestries, letting the sunlight in and airing the foulness from the space.

Pia had brought fresh rolls, water and some tea. From her sitting place, Brienne could hear the clashing of swords, wishing she could watch and maybe participate. Wistful, she turned back to her husband and watched as his eyes fluttered. He was finally awake. His restlessness increased and he brushed off the blankets, leaving him in only his stained shift.

“Brienne! Brienne! Please! Don’t go. Please. I can’t live without you.”

She rushed to his side, her hands brushing his sweaty locks of dark blonde hair, longer than she remembered ever being. His face covered in an unkempt beard. He truly resembled a sickly lion.

“Shh…I’m here. Jaime, can you hear me?”

His face became tranquil at the sound of her voice, and his green eyes opened searching for her blue orbs, the only eyes he cared to see again.

“Don’t go. Brienne…please. I’ll pray to the Seven to keep you by my side. I should’ve never let you go. If you leave me, I will inevitably meet the Stranger. I should’ve died, but no hells has swallowed me whole. Brienne—let it be me who makes you smile again. And if Tarth is where you want to be, let me accompany you there. Look at your lord husband, a maimed lion with no paw to protect his lioness, instead it is him that requires his lady to protect and wield the sword. Be my lady knight, my wife, for I am yours and you’re mine, from this day until the end of our days.”

And his lady brushed her lips on his temple, whispered tender words in his ear that appeased his crippled soul.

**Author's Note:**

>  **Tumblr Angst Prompts Round** | more to come!


End file.
